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On the JJ Barnes Blog, after discovering a survey that found 1 in 4 women are experiencing “the ick” in bed with their partner, I’m sharing my top tips for the best ways to improve bedroom intimacy because we all deserve a healthy relationship.
Okay, let’s be honest, we’ve all had those moments. That little cringe, that sudden wave of… ick. But what if it wasn’t just a fleeting feeling with someone random? What if it was a widespread issue impacting your actual relationship?
Recently, a survey revealed a startling statistic: a staggering 1 in 4 women are experiencing “the ick” during intimate moments with their partners. That’s a quarter of women feeling a disconnect in the very place where connection should thrive. This isn’t about judgment or blame; it’s about acknowledging a real problem and finding solutions. Because let’s face it, a healthy, fulfilling relationship, complete with a vibrant and enjoyable intimate life, is something we all deserve.
So, if you’ve ever felt that twinge of discomfort, or if you’re simply looking to deepen your connection with your partner, you’re in the right place. With the help of experts at MattressOnline who sent over a list of common red flags in the bedroom, I’ll dive into some practical, actionable tips to reignite that spark and banish “the ick” for good.
Best Ways To Improve Bedroom Intimacy
RED FLAG: Poor hygiene habits
Poor hygiene, specifically unflattering body odor, can act as a significant barrier to attraction and intimacy in the bedroom. While we often focus on grand gestures and emotional connection, the physical senses play a powerful role in our intimate experiences. It’s incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to ignore an unpleasant smell, and that constant awareness can create a palpable disconnect between partners.
The issue goes beyond simple preference. Unpleasant smells don’t just register as ‘dislike’; they can trigger deeply ingrained negative emotional responses. Our brains are wired to associate certain odors with potential threats or unsanitary conditions, leading to feelings of disgust and discomfort. These are primal reactions, and they can override any conscious desire for intimacy. When a partner is consistently perceived as having poor hygiene, it can erode the sense of safety and vulnerability that’s essential for a fulfilling sexual relationship.
It is one of the biggest turn offs when dating. If you tend to have body odor, make sure to freshen up before being intimate with someone. This also includes oral hygiene, make sure to brush your teeth before engaging in any sexual activity. The sense of smell is closely linked to sexual arousal and satisfaction. Studies have shown that increased olfactory sensitivity correlates with heightened sexual pleasure. Unpleasant odors can disrupt this sensory experience, leading to decreased arousal and enjoyment.
-experts at MattressOnline
HOW TO IMPROVE INTIMACY
Addressing hygiene concerns for intimacy requires sensitive communication. Instead of blame, frame discussions as a desire to enhance connection. Use “I” statements and consider a general conversation about hygiene’s importance. If you’re receiving feedback, listen without defensiveness.
Establish a consistent hygiene routine: daily showers, quality deodorant, thorough oral care, and clean clothing/bedding. Address specific odor issues with professional help if needed. Create a sensory-friendly environment with pleasant scents and fresh linens. Mutual grooming and focusing on overall wellness through diet, hydration, and stress management can also contribute.
If issues persist, seek medical or therapeutic support. The goal is a comfortable experience for both partners, approached with empathy.
RED FLAG: Dirty bed sheets
Neglecting to change your sheets regularly goes far beyond simply creating a slightly messy bed. It fosters an environment that is actively uninviting and can significantly deter intimate interactions. Over time, sheets become a breeding ground for a cocktail of sweat, dead skin cells, body oils, and various bacteria. This accumulation not only creates an unpleasant odor, but also a tactile experience that can be off-putting. The feeling of grit or stickiness from accumulated grime can instantly disrupt any sense of sensual relaxation.
Furthermore, the presence of bacteria can trigger allergies or skin irritations, creating physical discomfort that directly interferes with intimacy. Beyond the physical aspects, the state of your bedding can also impact your partner’s perception of your care and attention to detail. A consistently unkempt bed can signal a lack of regard for shared spaces and comfort, subtly eroding the sense of trust and intimacy that is essential for a healthy sexual relationship.
Keeping your bedding clean and fresh is essential,no one wants to sleep on sheets that are stained, smelly, or covered in crumbs. In addition, the accumulation of dead skin cells in unwashed bedding provides a breeding ground for bacteria and dust mites. It is crucial to change your bedding weekly, and even more frequently if you are planning to bring a date to your bedroom.
-experts at MattressOnline
HOW TO IMPROVE INTIMACY
To address the issue of neglected bed linens and cultivate a more inviting space for intimacy, establishing a consistent sheet-changing schedule is paramount. Aim for at least weekly changes, or more frequently if needed, and consider setting reminders to maintain consistency. Investing in quality bedding, such as breathable fabrics like cotton or linen, and having multiple sets for rotation can further enhance comfort.
Proper washing techniques, including hot water washes and thorough drying, are essential for eliminating bacteria and allergens. Enhancing the sensory experience through fabric softeners, pleasant scents, and neatly arranged bedding can create a more relaxing atmosphere. Addressing underlying issues like excessive sweating or allergies with appropriate bedding and seeking assistance when needed can also contribute to a more comfortable environment.
Open communication with your partner about preferences and collaboratively creating a shared space fosters a sense of mutual care and respect. By prioritizing clean and inviting bedding, you demonstrate consideration for your partner’s comfort and lay the groundwork for enhanced intimacy.
RED FLAG: Messy bedroom
A messy bedroom transcends mere aesthetic displeasure; it acts as a potent symbol, reflecting your lifestyle and personality in a way that can significantly impact intimacy. Recent surveys underscore this, revealing that a substantial majority of women, 77%, find it difficult to overlook a dirty bedroom, while 58% draw a firm line at tolerating any degree of messiness. This isn’t simply about being overly fastidious; it speaks to a deeper psychological response.
A cluttered and unkempt space can create a sense of unease and distraction, making it difficult to fully relax and engage in intimate moments. A pile of dirty clothes, accumulating dust, or disorganized belongings can subconsciously signal a lack of care or attention to detail, which can be interpreted as a lack of consideration for the partner’s comfort and well-being. Furthermore, a messy bedroom can create a feeling of being overwhelmed or stressed, as the visual chaos translates into mental chaos, ultimately hindering the ability to connect on an emotional and physical level.
A tidy bedroom is just as important; after putting in the effort to impress someone, the last thing you want is for them to be turned off by a messy space. A cluttered bedroom may suggest a lack of responsibility or self-care, which can be unattractive to potential partners. You may think they won’t notice, but even just hoovering and removing dirty clothes from the floor can lead to increased intimacy.
-experts at MattressOnline
HOW TO IMPROVE INTIMACY
Transforming a messy bedroom into a haven of intimacy requires a multi-faceted approach centered on organization, cleanliness, and creating a serene atmosphere. Implementing a regular cleaning routine is crucial, starting with a daily quick tidy to prevent clutter buildup and a weekly deep clean for thoroughness. Dividing tasks can make the process less overwhelming.
Organizing and decluttering are equally important. Designating storage solutions and regularly purging unnecessary items ensure everything has its place, promoting a calmer environment. Creating a calming atmosphere involves minimizing visual distractions, using soft lighting, incorporating pleasant scents, and investing in comfortable bedding. Open communication with your partner is essential; discussing preferences and addressing underlying issues fosters mutual respect and collaboration.
Maintaining consistency by making cleaning and organizing a habit ensures the bedroom remains a sanctuary, free from the distractions and negative connotations associated with messiness. Even small, consistent steps can significantly impact the overall atmosphere, transforming the space into one conducive to intimacy.
RED FLAG: A lack of foreplay or focus on their own pleasure
Foreplay transcends the physical realm; it’s a vital conduit for building emotional intimacy and trust, the cornerstones of a truly fulfilling sexual relationship. It’s the language of connection, allowing partners to communicate desires, vulnerabilities, and affection in a non-verbal, deeply personal way. Without this crucial connection, sexual encounters risk becoming mechanical, devoid of emotional depth, and ultimately, less fulfilling.
Engaging in foreplay enhances physical arousal and emotional satisfaction. Neglecting this aspect can lead to dissatisfaction and a sense of unreciprocated effort. An exclusive focus on one’s own pleasure during intimate moments can be perceived as selfish, leading to feelings of neglect or undervaluation in the partner.
-experts at MattressOnline
HOW TO IMPROVE INTIMACY
To prevent sexual encounters from becoming mechanical and to cultivate deeper intimacy, prioritize and enhance foreplay through open communication about desires and preferences. This involves both verbal and non-verbal cues, creating a safe space for vulnerability. Expanding the definition of foreplay beyond physical touch is crucial; engage in activities that build emotional connection, such as cuddling or intimate conversations, and incorporate mental foreplay to build anticipation.
Prioritize sensual exploration by engaging all five senses, focusing on pleasure, and experimenting to discover shared preferences. Cultivating emotional connection through eye contact, active listening, and expressing affection deepens intimacy. Creating a relaxing and romantic atmosphere with soft lighting, pleasant scents, and minimal distractions further enhances the experience.
By implementing these strategies and taking your time, you can transform foreplay from a mere prelude into a meaningful and fulfilling part of your sexual relationship, fostering deeper emotional intimacy and preventing sexual encounters from feeling mechanical.
RED FLAG: Excessive noise or no noise at all
Excessive noise, whether it’s the intrusive hum of a television, the jarring notifications from a phone, or the clamor of outside traffic, acts as a significant barrier to creating a truly intimate atmosphere. It shatters the delicate focus required to connect with your partner, pulling attention away from the sensual experience and creating a sense of distraction and unease. The constant barrage of auditory stimuli can prevent individuals from fully immersing themselves in the moment, hindering the ability to relax and let go.
However, the opposite extreme, complete and utter silence, can also be problematic. While it eliminates external distractions, it can create an unnatural and even uncomfortable tension. The absence of any sound can amplify anxieties and self-consciousness, making partners feel overly aware of their own movements and sounds. It might also lead to misinterpretations, such as your partner feeling like you are not enjoying yourself, that you are bored or that you are judging what is happening.
The most important thing is to communicate with your partner and express your likes and dislikes. Individual and cultural differences play a significant role in how noise is perceived during intimate moments. What is considered appropriate or appealing can vary widely, and mismatched expectations can lead to discomfort or dissatisfaction.
-experts at MattressOnline
HOW TO IMPROVE INTIMACY
Creating an ideal auditory environment for intimacy requires a delicate balance between minimizing disruptive noise and avoiding uncomfortable silence. To achieve this, begin by minimizing external distractions. Silence electronic devices, address external sounds like traffic, and communicate your need for privacy to others. Introduce ambient sound, such as soft instrumental music, nature sounds, or white noise, to fill any potentially awkward silences.
Ensure the sound level is comfortable for both partners, paying attention to their reactions and communicating about preferences. Utilize sound to enhance intimacy by whispering, expressing pleasure, and creating a shared auditory experience with meaningful music or sounds. Be mindful of individual sound sensitivities, acknowledging that preferences vary, and remain patient and adaptable.
By thoughtfully managing the auditory environment, you can create a space that fosters relaxation, connection, and heightened intimacy.
RED FLAG: Having a sleep ritual
While sleep rituals like meditation or white noise are undeniably beneficial for personal relaxation and sleep quality, introducing them into a shared intimate space, especially during early stages of dating, requires careful consideration. These practices, while soothing for the individual, can inadvertently create a sense of distance or even discomfort for a partner. The consistent hum of white noise, or the focused silence of meditation, might be perceived as a barrier to connection, a signal that you are prioritizing individual needs over shared intimacy.
Furthermore, these sounds can disrupt the natural flow of intimate moments. A partner might feel excluded or even put off by the presence of these external stimuli, interpreting them as a lack of interest in their presence. The expectation of shared quiet, or the opportunity for soft conversation, can be replaced by a feeling of being secondary to the ritual. This can lead to misinterpretations, such as feeling unwanted or that their presence is not valued. It is important to remember that intimacy is often built on shared experiences and mutual attention, and anything that detracts from that can create a sense of disconnect.
In shared sleeping environments, differing preferences for white noise can cause tension between partners, potentially impacting relationship satisfaction. Open communication and compromise are essential to ensure both individuals’ comfort and sleep quality.
-experts at MattressOnline
HOW TO IMPROVE INTIMACY
To navigate the potential challenges of personal sleep rituals in shared intimate spaces, especially in early dating, prioritize open and honest communication. Begin by explaining the purpose and benefits of your ritual, framing it as a means of enhancing your well-being, not a rejection of your partner.
Acknowledge potential concerns about distance or discomfort, and actively seek their input. Consider modifying or adapting your ritual to minimize disruption. Adjust the timing, control volume, explore alternative relaxation techniques, or even incorporate your partner into shared rituals. Prioritize shared intimacy by balancing individual needs with connection, dedicating time for intimate activities, and being fully present and attentive. In the early stages of dating, introduce rituals gradually, prioritize connection, and remain flexible.
Show consideration and respect by acknowledging your partner’s feelings, being willing to compromise, and expressing appreciation for their understanding. By practicing these strategies, you can maintain personal well-being while fostering a strong and connected relationship.
RED FLAG: Incorporating Feng Shui into the bedroom
Incorporating Feng Shui principles into bedroom design aims to create a harmonious and balanced environment, significantly influencing the ambiance and comfort of the space. However, when these principles are misapplied or ignored, certain arrangements can inadvertently create a sense of unease and discomfort, potentially leading to a negative perception, or “the ick,” from your partner.
For instance, placing the bed directly in line with the door, known as the “coffin position,” is thought to disrupt the flow of “chi” (energy) and create a sense of vulnerability, as if one is constantly being watched or exposed. This can translate into a feeling of restlessness or anxiety, hindering relaxation and intimacy.
Similarly, positioning mirrors to directly reflect the bed is considered unfavorable as it is believed to activate the energy of the room, leading to restless sleep and potential relationship disharmony. The reflection can also create a subconscious sense of being observed, which can be particularly unsettling during intimate moments. These arrangements, while seemingly minor, can subtly influence our subconscious perceptions and emotional responses. The resulting discomfort or unease can manifest as a general sense of being “off,” which can then translate into a feeling of “the ick.”
This isn’t about superstition; it’s about recognizing how our environment can impact our emotional state and, consequently, our interactions with others.
Other Feng Shui features such as art, décor items and mementoes can also subconsciously impact a room, and may trigger negative thoughts and nightmares. This could lead to giving your date a bad experience in your bedroom. Make sure to choose art and decorations that are calming and supportive, as the bedroom should be a place for rest, romance and relaxation.
-experts at MattressOnline
HOW TO IMPROVE INTIMACY
To create a bedroom conducive to intimacy by addressing unfavorable Feng Shui arrangements, begin by repositioning the bed. Avoid the “coffin position” by placing it diagonally from the door, aiming for the “commanding position” where you can see the entrance without being directly in line with it.
Ensure the headboard rests against a solid wall for stability. Adjust mirror placement to avoid reflecting the bed, either by repositioning them or using concealment options like curtains. Strategically place mirrors to enhance the flow of “chi” and create a sense of spaciousness.
Enhance the overall flow of “chi” by decluttering, using soft lighting, incorporating natural elements, and creating balanced pairs of items. Open communication with your partner is vital; discuss preferences, collaborate on design, and explain any Feng Shui-based changes.
Trust your intuition and pay attention to how you both feel in the space, making adjustments as needed to create a sanctuary for relaxation and connection. By implementing these adjustments, you can foster a harmonious and intimate bedroom environment.
-Methodology
1. MattressOnline sought to discover the biggest turn offs in the bedroom.
2. The experts sourced the biggest bedroom redflags on social media along with various reputable articles.
3. The experts then gave their expert guidance on how to avoid giving someone ‘the ick’ in the bedroom.
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